Tag Archives: #reverb10

Today’s Reverb10 prompt is “Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?”

I love the theory of Reverb10, but in practice, most of the prompts haven’t really done it for me. Not sure why that is. This year–almost “last year” now– I got a number of nice gifts, but the one that tickled me most was an iPod cover with a great photo of me and the boys on the back, a birthday present from two close friends. Personalized, useful, thoughtful, not too big.
I posted this on FB today: it’s a miracle we are not all depressed by the year-end pressure to focus on everything that went wrong or that we “should” give up. Personally, I resolve to eat better-quality chocolate in 2011.
The reaction was intense–I got several comments and a bunch of e-mails from people saying how much they agreed. Maybe it is time that we started a resolution revolution and said no to all that punitive stuff. The interesting thing, though, is that when I really look back over the year, it was when I was doing all those things that are good for me–like eating well, getting enough sleep, writing regularly–that I felt at my best. So maybe letting myself get away with not living up to my intentions is actually more punitive than anything else.
Didn’t someone wise once comment on how revolutions always seem to go full circle?

That’s today’s Reverb10.com prompt, i.e. “Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.”
The thing is, I don’t have a defining moment or a series of events. In fact, I think people spend too much time trying to define and categorize themselves, their lives, everything, and forget that it’s okay to be complex. Or mutifaceted. Or, at times, even contradictory. Like the Buddhists say, “the finger pointing at the moon is not the moon.”
One of the things I do like about the Reverb10 exercise is that it’s mostly positive. There’s certainly nothing wrong with taking a periodic inventory of where you are and where you want to go, but why does Western culture focus so much on the negative? There are a lot of year-end and New Year’s resolution-type articles and posts around lately and what strikes me is how many people are going over their lives with a fine tooth comb in search of the negative. No wonder so many of us get depressed at the end of the year.
What would the world be like if we all looked at our lives and found everything that went right, that we loved and enjoyed and want more of next year? I’m going to try and find out.

Today’s Reverb10 prompt is:

“Achieve: What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.”

The theory behind Reverb10 is fantastic, but the prompts haven’t always done it for me. That’s normal, I suppose, especially since when they do work, they really work. This one works.

There are two things on my list for next year: finishing my novel to the point that I am ready to start querying in January 2012, and getting my fitness up to a decent level. The first goal sounds worthy to me, but the second seems a bit shallow. Framed in terms of feelings, though, the two are more linked than they initially seem. In both cases I want to feel strong, focused, connected, energized, and proud.

So, I can read books by authors I admire (connected), meditate (focused), do strength training (strong), do cardio (energized) and stick to my goal of three pages per day (proud).

But new thoughts I can think? That’s going to take some doing…or thinking…

Today’s Reverb10 prompt is “Ordinary Joy,” and it asks for one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year. I don’t have one in particular, but I have had many of those, mostly linked to my dogs.  I love taking them out for their walks, and seeing how happy they are as they trot along the sidewalk in front of me, tails held high, enthusiasm in every step.  The way they gambol around when I let them off the leash at the park makes me truly understand, for the first time, the concept of vicarious happiness.  And the ecstatic way they greet me when I come home, and when I wake up in the morning, just “can’t be beat.”

They’re a big, uniformly wonderful part of my life. As I wrote the second part of 2010 in Review, that kept coming up:

JULY: finally got some clarity on my own personal situation at the Company, by managing to persuade Bumble that I would take over the big huge file everyone was most worried about. That meant I ditched most of my management responsibilities and took on a really interesting set of policy issues. Got an agreement with the Company that saved our professional group from the worst effects of May’s bad decision.  Yay me. No writing group this month but did first drafts of two new short stories and entered two contests.

AUGUST: was pretty happy with my new arrangement at work.  Bailed on a lot of social events, which was silly except that I did sometimes use the time to write. Finished a short story the same day I got my first “real” rejection notice from a magazine. Won another victory over the Company over an unfair acting policy that penalized junior employees.  Started lighting a fire under the paid staff of our professional association to get things done, since they were getting just a tad too comfortable.

SEPTEMBER: spent a blissful three nights at a spa a few hours from home, and got a lot of writing done. It was lovely, and I even made friends with one of the other guests, who is also interested in writing.  It was great weather for the dogs and we spent a lot of weekends at the park.

OCTOBER: the Company lost a big bid, which resulted in a historic low in morale, but nobody talked about it. I spent a great weekend in upstate New York with a friend, but I still managed to produce a short story that I was proud of. Unfortunately, only one member of my critique group seemed to “get it,”  which made me wonder if perhaps the group and I are simply not a good fit.  How do you know when it’s them or when it’s  you? One woman’s comments were particularly nasty and personal, to the point that the group leader felt like she had to come and apologize for her afterwards.  I decided to take their technical comments on board,  and ignore the other stuff. After incorporating some of them, I submitted the story to  a contest.

NOVEMBER: worked on NaNoWriMo, but even though I limped to the finish line, the project never really caught fire this year.  Still, happy as always that I did it.  Only one other member of the critique group—the guy who liked my October story—participated.

DECEMBER:  decided to do Holidailies this year, which means an entry every day between 5 December and 6 January. I’m enjoying it so far and it also led me to discover the fabulous Reverb10.com, which is all about reflecting on the past year and bringing on what’s next.  Went to Brussels at the beginning of the month and had a decent time, a great one from a work point of view, which was the point.  Always interesting to see another culture in action.  Hoping to finish another story before the end of the year, and finish on a mellow, positive note.

JANUARY:  started the year off on a positive note, setting my intentions, which included getting serious about writing, getting better control of my finances, and focusing on the positive. Although I didn’t carry out some of the specifics, I am quite pleased to realize that I did make progress on the broad intentions themselves.  (The only real exception is my physical fitness, including my weight.)  Tried to sign up for a critiquing class, but found that there weren’t enough people. Then, the instructor from the class I took in the fall, who was supposed to be teaching this one, called and invited me to join her critique group.

FEBRUARY: was very freaked out by the arrest of a man I knew through my day job for three counts of rape and murder. He’s probably the last person I would have suspected. So much for watching every episode of Law and Order and Criminal Minds ever made. Got notice that I was a finalist in a writing contest, for a story I had written and submitted the previous November.  Used it as my first submission to my critique group, where it was reasonably well received.

MARCH:  at my day job, moved into a fabulous new corner office with windows on two sides and a fabulous view.   Took a staycation at home before the end of the fiscal year and enjoyed relaxing., and got quite  a lot of writing done, including revising the contest story.

APRIL:  the major oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico made me stop watching the news., which freed up more time for writing. Produced two short stories, a record for me. Submitted one of them to the critique group, and was very pleased when my instructor took me aside to say that the new piece of writing had proven that my contest results hadn’t been a fluke. Decided to take the “robust” critique that month as a compliment.

MAY: Grew increasingly upset and depressed over the oil spill, especially after seeing a picture of an ancient, now-dead turtle with a face that looked like one of my beloved little dogs.  Finished two short stories, probably at the expense of my novel.

JUNE: went to Rome for ten days to visit a friend. Eid an overnight trip to Venice and a day trip to Florence, all fantastic. The food, unsurprisingly, was delicious, more so because I don’t remember any one thing in particular, just a wash of intense goodness. Makes sense that all those romantic poets thought Italy was an incredible place to live and work.   Didn’t get much writing done, though, and realized that a plan is essential. Was preoccupied with the concept of “sovereignty” in my personal life, and developed the concept of the WICA—What I Care About–plan.

End of part one, more to come.

Today’s Holidailies/#reverb10 prompt:
Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
Let’s see..last year, I didn’t travel at all for the first half of the year, at least not that I can remember, then I visited Italy for the first time ever in June. By plane, business class, using points. Spent ten days altogether, including two days in Venice, a day trip to Florence, and the rest of the time in Rome. It was great. Then I got back and drove to the resort area just north of here, and stayed in the little cabin there for a week with my boys. I spent a few days at a spa in early September. In October, I went shopping in one of those big outlet mall towns. In November I flew to the Middle of Nowhere to see my nephews. Another flight in December to Brussels for a week.
Next year I will fly to Las Vegas for a four-day vacation. Maybe I’ll get another work trip to an exotic locale, or maybe even two. I’d like to go back to my home city for a visit in the spring or summer. Maybe a weekend in NYC sometime in the Fall. A daytrip to Montreal. And, since I’ll have the time between Christmas and NY‘s off since the language school will be closed, maybe I’ll go somewhere warm that week.
Somehow I feel like I should be answering this question a different way. But I’m tired. Maybe tomorrow.

I don’t feel inspired by today’s Holidailies/#reberb10 prompt, which calls for you to write advice to your future self. Honestly, if I knew what to tell my future self, I’m pretty sure I’d be doing it now.

So, I thought I’d go back to one of the prompts from a few days ago on friends, and what they’ve taught you. This year, I’d have to say that the person who has made me think the most, the one I’ve learned the most from, is the one I’ve felt most distant from all year. She’s in the grip of a major delusion, putting all her energy, her passion, her emotions into a cause that simply isn’t what she thinks it is. Everybody around her can see the situation for what it is, but she can’t. She’s  already suffered terrible consequences for the sacrifices she’s made, but she just keeps going back for more. She stopped listening a long while back, and eventually, other people stopped talking. Right now, it’s just her and her fantasy, and she seems to like it that way.
What this has taught me is that people are different. If this situation bothered her as much as it would me, she wouldn’t be in it. It’s as if she thinks that if she just pretends hard enough, things will be different. She’s delusional, and it’s not going to end well. But then again, maybe she’ll never give up the fantasy, and it will still be sustaining her ten years from now.  Maybe reality is over-rated.
Sometimes the hardest lesson of friendship is that you and your friends are separate people.  You can’t control them, even if they’re “wrong.” All you can do is hope for the best for them, whatever that means. And maybe the great lesson of 2010 is that nobody, even me, knows what is supposed to happen next.

Today’s #Reverb10 prompt is ‘Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)”

I like the concept, but I’m allergic to the word “should,” probably because I was raised by a Calvinist mother who instilled all kinds of guilt in her children. It made us into socially acceptable and perhaps even morally upstanding people, but it also made us feel like crap. For a long time, I let that attitude suck some of the joy out of life.
The older I get, the more I believe that you “should” be guided by the principle of “do what you do.” If you have a whole bunch of “shoulds” in your life and you can never seen to muster the energy to actually deal with any of them, maybe you need to reconsider their value. Are these your obligations, your desires, or someone else’s? How many otherwise healthy and fit people drive themselves crazy because they “should” lose that “last ten pounds”? Or make their partners miserable because the partner “should” make more money, or the couple “should” move into a bigger house, when really, both people are quite happy where they are, it’s just that they can’t let go of worry about what other people think? In those instances, avoidance might actually be downright good for a person, as long as they can eventually get rid of the guilt.
That said, there was definitely one thing that I wanted to do but never got around to. When I re-read my list of “intentions” for 2010, I wanted to finish my novel and be ready to start querying at the end of the year. That didn’t happen, partly because I didn’t really understand what it would take, and I didn’t have a good plan. Then, I decided to give myself the energy boost of doing NaNoWriMo rather than trying to push through with the work in progress. Although I probably wouldn’t be finished anyway, in retrospect, that was an example of avoidance, or maybe the pursuit of instant gratification. That will change in 2011 since I am now putting together a ten-month plan for getting ‘er done, and I understand what it means to make something like that a priority.